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Back to the Notes from the Coach Table of Contents October 2006, ForgivingMusingI must admit that I get a bit giddy this time of the year as I am a true lover of Autumn. The luminescent Larch trees and the blazing reds and yellows in the mountains (hiking never gets better than now), the smells, the cooler days, the food (squash, apples). I have just finished harvesting the last of the amazing tomatoes, basil and spinach in my garden.Life is good. My heart is also quite heavy this week. The recent school massacres, especially the Amish children, and the rising toll of dead in this senseless war in Iraq lead to waves of grief and sadness. Growing up Mennonite in Pennsylvania, I know how gentle and forgiving the Amish people are. Maybe the bright light of hope here is that they are giving us a profound lesson in the power of letting go and in the healing power of faith and community. There were two other events of inspiration and hope for me this month. One was the International Peace Day event that brought over 500 people together, united in our desire for this war to end, an inspiring and moving evening. The other was the decision of the Bellingham City Council to affirm the "Troops Home!" resolution that will be sent to Congress. I am proud of the Council, it was an act of courage. ToolMany times when I intervene in the workplace, I encounter long-held resentments amongst coworkers. These resentments often smolder for many years, leading to distancing of the person, tense interactions, and sometimes "slush-fund" explosions.The relationship suffers, and if you spend 8-10 hours a day with that person (or years, if a family member) life will be stressful. Ironically, the person who suffers the most is the one holding onto the resentment and anger. Research is clear that resentment is toxic to your physical health, with effects on your blood pressure, digestion, sleep, cardiovascular and immune system. Emotionally, the energy spent holding the grudge is not available for joy, contentment and moving forward in life. The focus is on the past. Yes, the resentment is often justified; so we nurse the grudge and keep it on life support. Our heart shuts down, we do endless replays of the misdeed in our minds and crave sweet revenge. Let’s take a lesson from the Amish and focus on forgiveness. OK, this may sound like a great idea, but in actuality, is often a huge spiritual challenge. It is definitely an act of self-preservation. How to do it? At the risk of oversimplification in this short newsletter, here’s my best shot:
Food for ThoughtHolding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.— Saying in AA The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. — Alden Nowlan To forgive is the highest form of self-interest. I need to forgive you so that my anger and resentment and lust for revenge don’t corrode my being. — Archbishop Desmond Tutu LaughterChildren's Science ExamQ: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A: Premature death. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight Back to the Notes from the Coach Table of Contents |
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