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March 2006, When do I Speak Up?

Musing

I admit that one of my favorite annual indulgences is watching the Academy Awards. This year had the added delight of my favorite comedian, John Stewart, as the host. I strongly believe all the films nominated for "best picture" deserved to win, and I was delighted that "Crash" won. This film was a good example of how our assumptions and beliefs (our filter) determine our perceptions and reality. It is not a subtle film, but it can be a great catalyst for provocative discussions about our racial beliefs and stereotypes.

My book recommendation for this month is Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. This book will make you think, I am now on my second reading. It focuses on our human tendency to identify with our mind, our thoughts. It also offers hope for a more sane and loving world and a more satisfying experience of life.

Tool

You realize you are having some negative feelings (irritation, resentment, frustration, hurt, anger, etc.) about something another person said or did. How do you know when to talk about it with them?

Here is a template to help you decide if you want to take action.
  • How important is this relationship to you? FYI, if you work or live with this person, it IS an important relationship! I always say that you don’t need to like the people you work with, but the relationship needs to work well, or you will pay big prices.
  • How important is the issue to you? Is it simply annoying, or is it consuming your time and energy because it is living in your brain? Is it affecting your ability to do your work? Is it affecting your ability to be loving?
  • Does the other person have some control over the behavior that you are reacting to? Can they do something about it? If the relationship and issue are important, and the other person CAN do something about it, then you may decide to bring it up.

Always remember that if you don’t talk it out, you will probably act it out. Your negative judgments and feelings will "leak" out in your behavior and affect the relationship. If your feelings are strong enough, you will probably start distancing yourself from that person. This WILL affect the relationship in a negative way.

One of your options, if the issue doesn’t meet the above criteria, is to simply tell yourself a different "story" about the person so that you will feel more accepting towards them. Remember, our feelings come from what we tell ourselves and you have total choice about those thoughts, if you are not invested in being right about the way it is! In the next issue I will discuss how to prepare to speak up.

Food for Thought

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place
— George Bernard Shaw.

The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.
— Theodore Roosevelt

Laughter

More puns. . ..
  • A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  • "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well ... It's Not Unusual."
  • I tried to buy some camouflage pants the other day but couldn't find any.
  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
  • Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him..(ready?)? a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis


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