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Making Choices and Setting Limits - January 2005

Musing

How exciting - we're all alive to see another year begin! I plan to have
the best year ever, no matter what happens. I always encourage people to
pick a word for the year that symbolizes what they want this year to be
about. My word for 2005 is "Harmony". Besides the obvious, this word also
means that I want to bring more performance music back into my life. I plan
to reconnect with my guitar through lessons, find a choral opportunity and
make more time for my piano. My relationship with music has become too
passive - I want to "do" it this year.

Obviously, to add anything means eliminating something else. Besides
scanning the net and watching some mindless TV, I'm still working on this
one. My "pig at the trough" syndrome makes it very difficult to let go of
anything I enjoy!

So, what do you want 2005 to be about for you? What do you want more of in
your life? What do you want less of? What will be your focus this year?

Tool

Saying "NO" is a challenge for many of my busy, "stressed for success"
clients. In reality, those around you will give you all the work, paid and
Volunteer, you are willing to take. One of the payoffs of being busy is that
we get to feel important, needed and powerful. If you want to add anything
to your life this year or simply decrease your time stress, it is critical
that you say "yes" and "no" very carefully and clearly.

The most powerful antidote to over-commitment is exquisite clarity regarding
what is most important to you; how you want to spend your time, money and
energy. When you have a very strong, burning "YES" inside of you,
everything that doesn't feed those priorities becomes a "NO". Now, you need
to get past your fears of saying the complete sentence "NO."

You don't have to justify, explain or rationalize your "no" (except, of
course, to your boss!). Here are the steps to saying "NO" and some useful
phrases that you can practice and have ready on the tip of your tongue.

1) Next time you are asked to do something you are not willing to do, put
your ego aside, plant your feet firmly, take a deep breath (get oxygenated
and back in touch with your priorities) and say:

A) "Thank you for considering me but that doesn't work for me right
now"

B) "Thanks for the invite, but my plate is full right now"

C) "No, I'm not comfortable with doing that"

D) "Thanks for asking, but I'm not available that date, or for that,
etc"

E) "No, that doesn't fit my priorities right now, but thanks for
asking.

F) This one is for the boss: "I would love to do that. What would you
like me to stop doing in order to take this on?" "Help me reprioritize my
work load".

2) Practice saying a loud, clear "NO" at home on your cat or dog - the dog
will love you anyway and the cat will ignore you!

3) Notice the freedom that results in your honoring your priorities. Be
prepared that someone, somewhere will not approve of these priorities. They
Will eventually handle it. Can you?

Food for Thought

If you have time to chatter
Read books
If you have time to read
Walk into mountain, desert and ocean
If you have time to walk
Sing songs and dance
If you have time to dance,
Sit quietly, you Happy Lucky Idiot.
Nanao Sakaki

Laugh of the Month

HILARIOUS SIGNS:
Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep
with a drip. Call your plumber."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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