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Back to the Notes from the Coach Table of Contents February 2007 Delivering FeedbackMusingThe past few weeks have been tinged with sadness for me. It started with having to euthanize one of our favorite cats due to a sudden discovery of widespread cancer. I have been through this experience before, and it never gets easier. Jasmine was family, we had her for nine years. She was born in our home and died in my arms.Then there was Barbaro. The intensity of my feelings around this horse surprised me a bit. I, and apparently many others, believe this horse was the embodiment of courage, grace and beauty. I was also touched by the tenderness displayed by his caregivers. The death of animals and humans remind us that grief is the pain we pay for loving. I also experience a deep, wrenching sadness when I watch on television the all- too- familiar scene of soldiers saying goodbye to loved ones before they leave on their third or fourth deployment to Iraq. No one should have to experience war at all, let alone three or four times. I know what it feels like to say goodbye before getting on that plane, and my heart is broken. ToolContinuing our series on "Feedback", here are some general guidelines for giving it. The overall purpose is to increase curiosity and trust and decrease defensiveness. Always check in with your intention first, is it to improve the relationship or improve their performance? Then you have a green light! If your intention is revenge, to be right or to be superior, then DON’T DO IT!Ask permission first. "I have an observation (some feedback) around___. "Would you like to hear it?" "Is now a good time?" Make sure your feedback is FAST: F, Frequent A, Accurate S- Specific T, Timely I have a 48 hour rule in giving feedback. No longer than 48 hours from the time of the event. It is better to do it right away, but sometimes I need time to get into my cortex if I have strong negative feelings. Be descriptive rather than evaluate. Describe what you saw, heard. Deal only with behavior that can be changed. Being specific is critical. There are many "glittering generalities" in the workplace like "professional, cooperative, team-player, good job, better attitude, efficient, controlling, etc." Remember, feedback is simply information, and it needs to be useful! If the receiver could at all interpret the feedback as negative, please do it in private. Public negative feedback is simply cruel. If you have a request, tell them what you WANT, not what you don’t want. Finally, if people don’t want your feedback, you’ll never succeed in reaching them, no matter how eloquent or skilled you are. If they don’t trust you or they don’t trust themselves, they will be defensive, not curious. Food for ThoughtRichard Carlson, author of the hugely popular Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and countless other books, died suddenly in December at the age of forty-five. He touched lives and made a difference. As a tribute, I'd like to leave you with a quote from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. "I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession with completing my list of things to do. Remember, when you die, there will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what? Someone else will do it for you!" Richard Carlson PhDLaughterIt was almost time for school to dismiss and a mother noticed it looked like rain. So she drove toward school to pick up her eight-year-old daughter. She turned down the street to see her daughter running towards her down the sidewalk. A lightning bolt flashed and the little girl looked up towards the sky, smiled and then began running towards her mother's van. Another lightning bolt flashed and again the little girl looked towards the sky, smiled and resumed running. This happened several more times until the little girl finally arrived at where her mother was parked. Her mom immediately inquired as to the strange behavior. "Why did you keep stopping and smiling at the sky," she asked her daughter. "I had to, Mommy. God was taking my picture."Back to the Notes from the Coach Table of Contents |
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